Precious memories

Friday, March 6, 2009

Woke up today, my head doesn't feel anything. I feel nothing now, not a care in the world. i guess this is how it turns out. I tried my best, and it just wasn't enough.

I started off yesterday with the intention to help Bruce initiate his plan to give Miao Hui roses. That was so sweet of him. I went with my boyfriend and his friends to Sentosa. It was hard to get to talk to a clique for 5 girls. I mean, girls are different from guys- we clique and after that it's not easy to invite strangers into the conversation. I tried my best then after that i decided to go down to the beach. It was hot and i wanted to have a dip in the sea. Then my dear came over and we talked about alot of stuff.

He talked about long relationships and how this relationship isn't working because of our friends. He said he can't get along with my friends and i don't even give an effort to make friends with his friends. So he suggested we break up and become friends. When my heart was torn into pieces he just carried on. I was breaking and breaking inside. It really was tough. I wanted to scream at him to shut up. But he just went on about what was he thinking going into a relationship with me before becoming friends first. Wow, thanks alot... *scarcasm*.

Anyways i got so hurt i decided to like shut myself of my feelings. If you don't think it won't hurt anymore. I've done it so many times it was just easy to just be a part and not apart of the moment. It's like shutting down my feelings. The other girls like sensed a change when we came back. When they were burying Bruce in the sand, Si jie whispered to me whether me and Han Feng were okay. I said no and i started opening up to her. After that the rest of the girls were nicer to me, they invited me to go along with them to the bathroom and we chatted abit there. I felt better after that.

After their bath, we all went to delifrance to sit awhile then i also tried to chat with them more. I didn't really expected to make such good friends as they all. After that we walked here and there until Bruce arrived. With Si jie and Miao Hui waiting at the bridge, we watched Bruce walked with his brunch of flowers.

Well, it didn't work out but i think Bruce felt better getting the feeling through to Miao Hui even though she didn't reciprocate it. Oh wells,..

After that i asked Bruce if he wanted to drink and well, we went to find vodka but the Cool Bar and the 7-11 at Sentosa wasn't selling. So, we went to Vivo mart. On the way, i met with Ben 10 who was good enough to come out to meet me even though he had a hectic scheldule * ARIGATO BEN*. Sooo, we bought our drinks and we went out to the sky park to sit and drink.

I hate beer. It taste bitter. I forced myself to drink up a can of beer. After that i felt very lightheaded. I felt like if i do anything now, nobody can stop me that kinda feeling. I helped Bruce and Hong Wei finish their Vodka also oops. After that i can't remember much . It's like a blur.

But i remembered that i wanted to control my emotions. I wanted to stop thinking but the thoughts just went through my head. Arghhhh. But i didn't feel the sunburn on my back anymore. I guess when you drink alot of things are a blur and you can't really feel pain anymore. I accidentally cut my leg on someone's bottle can tip and that didn't hurt too.

It was this feeling of euphoria, of freedom that makes someone wanna drink somemore.. whooo.

Okay, after that i can't remember what i did. It's all a blur le. But i remembered i wanted to watch a movie. And when the guys wanted to go home i was all set to let them go home.

Anyways, Ben sent me home. My mom was waiting for me i remembered. She wasn't angry at all. She was sad to see me struggle like this. I remembered her asking me if i really want to get into a relationship with Hanfeng and i said yes. Now i feel foolish all over. Sigh..

Anyway, when i woke up i felt better. I don't know why people say they'll get hangovers if they drink but i don't. I woke up fresh and my mind was a blank. Anyway just like i did many times before i'm going to just keep enduring. Just keep going about my life and try to hang out with my classmates more often now.

xoxo, Sarah.

she told the story ... 7:25 PM